Nostalgia

 

Feeling nostalgic over small things in life is a normal state that everyone goes through. When it comes to me, being nostalgic feels like a personal character trait of me. I always find myself reminiscing about my life as a kid & especially, my teen-hood. For me, nostalgia is divided into 2 parts: life before the pandemic & after it. Up to 2019, it's about the things I used to eat, watching High School Musical & other teen movies, songs I listened to while daydreaming about the person I liked, reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and all the fun stuff I used to do with my friends. Every now and then, I turn the pages of the old diaries of my 13-year-old self and have a good chuckle. I also went through the typical emo phase every teenage girl goes through, and it's so fun to remember all the stupid & cringy things I used to do & say. I adore that version of myself so dearly, and I desperately wish to return to that time. Because that period is the only thing I can remember regarding my school life.

Transferring to a new school in 2020 and being caught up in the pandemic made me a completely different person. I don't remember much about my last two or three high school years; it all feels like a blur. But the pandemic era feels nostalgic for a different reason. I found things to entertain myself with while at home. Getting into K-pop, watching K-dramas & scrolling on TikTok are the only things I remember doing in those years. But I made some long-distance friends at that time, and up to this day they remain some of the best people I've met in my life. We were fangirling over all the singers we liked, and I remember how we got up at ungodly hours just to catch up with all the live performances that were live streaming, watching concerts from illegal links, watching music videos & losing our minds over fan theories, sharing TikTok edits with friends. I remember getting so annoyed seeing the same TikTok trend with the same audio all over. And now when I randomly hear those songs it brings a smile to my face, with a lingering sadness. And I think my generation feels the same feeling of nostalgia over the pandemic period. It was a mentally challenging period, but we were able to build some community with people all over the world based on shared interests.

It's hard to believe that it's been 5 years since that time, and honestly, I can't wrap my head around the fact that I was just a 17-year-old teenager & now I'm about to turn 22. I'm starting to understand why people get emotional over their days of youth. Even though I'm still in my early 20s, I've started to feel that bittersweet feeling too. Growing up feels so scary to me, and half of the time I have no clue if I'm doing the right or wrong thing. I wish to go back to those times when I had much simpler things to worry about, even though I know I can't avoid the reality. Looking back, every single day of that period holds a sense of nostalgia. I know that in another couple of years, I'll feel nostalgic over the days I'm spending in the present. I always tell myself that "Nostalgia's going to be the death of me", and I try not to dwell too much on the past & make the best out of this current day. 

The most beautiful moments of life are yet to come, and I wish to be young forever.